 | 1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. |
| 2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. |
| 3. Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with. |
| 4. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. |
| 5. Always remember to pillage before you burn. |
| 6. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how
difficult it was. |
| 7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. |
| 8. If "clothes maketh the man" then it follows that naked people have little
or no influence on society. |
| 9. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving to where you |
| can't find them. |
| 10. The law of Probability Dispersal decrees that whateverit is that hits the fan will
not be evenly distributed. |
| 11. Indecision is the key to flexibility. |
| 12. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. |
| 13. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. |
| 14. The facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant. |
| 15. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. |
| 16. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before. |
| 17. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. |
| 18. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. |
| 19. All things being equal, fat people use more soap. |
| 20. If you can smile when things go wrong then you have someone in mind |
| to blame. |
| 21. One-seventh of life is spent on Monday. |
| 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. |
| 23. This is as bad as it can get -- but don't bet on it. |
| 24. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty but only the pig enjoys it. |
| 25. The trouble with life is that you are halfway through it before you realize it's a
"do it yourself" thing. |
| 26. Drink varnish and you'll have a lovely finish. |
| 27. We can sympathize with a child who is afraid of the dark, but the tragedy of life is
that most people are afraid of the light. |
| 28. If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens? |
| 29. Employ teenagers - while they know everything. |
| 30. The best antiques are old friends. |
| 31. Down with gravity! |
| 32. Nobody's perfect and since I'm nobody...! |
| 33. People who eat natural foods die from natural causes. |
| 34. Why is there only one Monopolies Commission? |
